No man has ever “survived” my day to day

A crazy statement to make but it is so true. One failed relationship after another has taught me three very key things about me and my life.

1. Single moms are not truly single. They are a package deal. I can compare it simply to one choosing to buy an expensive set of pots and pans, but only really wanting the fancy low maintenance non stick pan. It doesn’t work that way.

2. Whether the kids are with me, with friends, with family, or with their dad…they are always “with” me. Their well being consumes my thoughts, distracts me from frivolous time wasting, and keeps me anchored. And keeps me from going “all in” with anyone.

3. Trusting anyone to understand my day to day has become near impossible. My “why I do what I do daily” is often so insurmountable for one to conceive, that it often becomes a point of contention and then an irreparable fracture.

I will, in all transparency, share that I’ve tried. SO DAMN HARD to make things work…I’ve compromised, I’ve conformed, and I’ve even resented my children…which is what really changed my need for a day to day partner. The weight on my shoulders is often unbearable, balancing a demanding job, maintaining a home, and parenting two teenagers in today’s world.

But my faith in God, my hope for rest, and the knowledge it won’t be like this forever is what gives me hope.

Hope for a lifesaver to cast out the flotation device, and pull me in to safety and security.